whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
