Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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