I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
