How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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