Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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