Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
