You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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