I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
