I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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