It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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