Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
