I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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