after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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