I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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