problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
