I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
