I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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