Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
