That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
