I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
