But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
