if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
