I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize