Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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