Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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