sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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