are you so shy because you have an std?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am naked and annoyed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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