I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
