i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
