He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
