I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
