you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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