Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize