So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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