Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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