my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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