For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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