is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
