If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
