If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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