you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
