this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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