you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
