Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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