Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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