yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
