I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
