is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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