when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
