what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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