there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
COCAINE IS GR8
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
