he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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