I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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