PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
