I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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