Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
