so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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