I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
