Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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