Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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