dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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