Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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