Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize