I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
