Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
pray to the hookup gods
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
