He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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