i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
