This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
