Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
