from now on my penis is your penis
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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