i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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