Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
