i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
