can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
