Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
