Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
