one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
