I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
