So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
