and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
