I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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